NFL Week 1: Predictions, Observations, Notes, Quips.

Oh my god, the best week of the year is here. NFL Week 1. It's like, we waited through all boring stuff (see golf, baseball) and now we get football. 

Just take a second to let that soak in.

Okay, long enough. Every team has a chance right now.

Not every team. Teams like:

Tampa Bay, Tennessee, New York Jets, Jacksonville Jaguars, Chicago Bears, Oakland Raiders, Washington Redskins. 

They are all vying for that top 10 pick. For every one else, they are shooting for 

Hopes are high, which is like awesome. But still, only a handful of teams will vie for it.

Observations:

1. Sucks to be Tim Tebow. Then again, he sucks at the football stuff.
2. I am said Jean Pierre-Paul has yet to join the Giants. I was looking forward to his teammates saying "Gimme a High-Four."
3. I have only heard three things about Johnny Manziel this off season. Which is great.
4. What a crap offseason for the NFL. 
5. If Tom Brady doesn't come out and modify "I Fought the Law" and modify it to "I fought the law and Tom won," I will slap his buttchin.
6. I haven't heard anything about Peyton Manning.
7. Glad to see Carson Palmer back. 
8. Can we stop adding "gate" to everything. Spygate. Deflategate. Fumblegate. Fuckyougate.
9. So glad Dallas is going with the running back by committee with that old fartbag Darren McFadden.
10. Just think, if the Seahawks would've ran the ball, they would've had two championships instead of one.
11. Geno Smith's face.
12. Stupid DeMarco Murray. Hate you, mean it.
13. Who didn't retire/get suspended/leave the 49ers this season? D-damn. 

Predictions:

Division Winners:


AFC East: Patriots
AFC South: Colts
AFC North: Steelers
AFC West: Broncos

Wildcards: Ravens, Chargers


NFC East: Eagles
NFC South: Panthers
NFC North: Packers
NFC West: Seahawks

Wildcards: Cowboys, Falcons

MVP: Aaron Rodgers
Offensive Player of the Year: Odell Beckham Jr. (1700 receiving yards, 16 TDs)
Defensive Player of the Year: JJ Watts

Superbowl 50: Packers vs Patriots

Winner: Packers


Top 5

1. Patriots
2. Seahawks
3. Packers
4. Broncos
5. Colts

Bottom 5

32. Redskins
31. Jaguars
30. Buccaneers
29. Raiders
28. Titans

NFL WEEK 1 - Thursday September 10th (8:30pm EST)

(NBC) Steelers vs Patriots - The Patriots, reigning Super Bowl champs start their title defense. Now, let's be honest. We all know that the Patriots have had problems in the last decade. Every time they win, there is a problem, or scandal. And every year, they come out swinging. If you don't expect Tom to put up 4 TD's as a fuck you to the NFL, you're wrong. Patriots 34, Steelers 21

Sunday September 13th 

Preemptive Happy Birthday to the greatest kid I know, Jordan. love you kid.

1pm EST

(CBS) Colts vs Bills - Bills are going to surprise some teams. That defense was already good, and then they had to add Rex Ryan, defensive guru. Their offense, shaky. But as we all know good defenses, blah blah blah. Colts, always find a way to win. I think that an upset is in the works. Bills 20, Colts 17

Coinflip Game of the Week

(CBS) Browns vs Jets - Hard to call. Browns, are always a mini hurricane that might make land and wreak havoc but usually fizzle out at sea. Jets are, well the Jets. Even if Geno Smith didn't get his face broken, the Jets would still be well, the Jets. Neither good, nor bad. I would love to see the Browns come out and beat up the Jets. Will it happen. ugh, have to go to the coin. (heads Jets). Tails. Browns 21, Jets 13

CATFIGHT

(FOX) Panthers vs Jaguars - Well, I'm still not impressed with the Jaguars. One of those teams you look at and just know they are going to be in the top 10 of the draft year after year. Panthers 27, Jaguars 10

(FOX) Packers vs Bears  - Bears start off the season at home, and under a torrential downpour of touchdowns in their face. Packers should have a fairly easy time dropping bombs on Chicago. It's not that the Bears are bad, it's just that they have Jay Cutler as their QB and he is bad. Plus, besides Forte and Jeffrey, their offense is not scary at all. Their offensive line is as porous as a colander. Packers 31, Bears 14

(CBS) Chiefs vs Texans  - A decently good offense vs a Texans defense that could be nightmares for every opposing QB. That Texans defense has some players and not just Watt. The Texans offense, well, that isn't going to be great. The Chiefs start out hot every year, and then suck it up the rest of the year. Texans 17, Chiefs 10

(CBS) Dolphins vs Redskins - Look, the Dolphins upgraded their defense. Their offense is actually pretty good. Lets look at their opponent. Kirk Cousins, sucks. Offensive line, below average. The only highlight for the Redskins, their defense. I don't see them winning more than six games.Dolphins should have 10 sacks at least. Dolphins 27, Redskins 10

(FOX) Seahawks vs Rams -  Seahawks start the season on the road. i don't see them having much of a letdown as much as people think they will. They will have one of the tougher schedules in the league. Their will be some upsets. But the division is weak enough where they can win it. Starting with this division game. Seahawks 21, Rams 17

4:05PM EST

(FOX) Lions vs Chargers - Lions lost a lot of key people on defense. That offense though, top notch. Which is good, because they are going to have to score a lot of points this season. Chargers, barely will squeak by this season. Lions 27, Chargers 24

(FOX) Saints vs Cardinals  - Carson Palmer is back! Last year before he went down, hottest team in the league. Can they duplicate it? Doubt it. But they can push Seattle for the division because the 49ers are the who's who of the NFL right now. Anywho. Saints, same thing. Lost lots of players. Won't resemble the same team from last year. I think it's a close game. Cardinals 24, Saints 21

1:25PM EST

(CBS) Ravens vs Broncos -  For the first time since 1998, I haven't heard anything about Peyton Manning in the offseason. Is that a good thing? Probably. That means he's working hard to try and win another Super Bowl and retire. Will he? Probably not. Ravens have a chance to do some damage this season. Another good team. It will be a close, high scoring game. Broncos 34, Ravens 31

(CBS) Bengals vs Raiders - Bengals are the team that get to the dance every year, and just happy to be there. Marvin Lewis has been there for a long time, and won 0 playoff games. Sure they will be good this year, but they have to win against crap teams like the Raiders. Sorry Raiders, I don't think you'll be good, as per usual. Bengals 24, Raiders 13

Battle of the top Picks!

(CBS) Titans vs Buccaneers -Winston vs Mariotta. Should be a great game. I don't know what kind of defense the Titans have, but the Buc's have a decent one. Mariotta needs to stay calm to win this turnover fiesta. Titans 17, Buccaneers 10

8:30PM EST

(NBC) Giants vs Cowboys - Look, I love Dallas. I hate the Giants. But that Eli guy always seems to play well on Sunday night. Plus they have Beckham Jr, who should put up a ton of yards/TD's this season. I think they will give Dallas a run for their money, even though Dallas only lost one offensive player (TurdMarco Murray) and upgraded a defense that was supposed to suck last year, and was surprisingly good. Will be a close game. Cowboys 31, Giants 20

Monday September 14th 

7:10PM EST

BIRD FIGHT

(ESPN) Eagles vs Falcons - Eagles have a completely different team. They let a lot of people go/trades etc. They got a quarterback who has had two major knee surgeries. TurdMarco Murray (Reigning rushing champ). Falcons got the defensive guru from the Seahawks. Will they be good? Who knows. I think the Eagles are going to have a good team, but the Falcons will surprise a few people as well. Eagles 34, Falcons 27

10:20PM EST

(ESPN) Vikings vs 49ers - (sung to Return of the Mack) Return of the Back, Return of the Back. Eh Eh, Return of the Back. Adrian Petersen is back. The Vikings were surprisingly not terrible last season. AP has been away for a year. I think he will surprise people. Will he be great? Who knows. On the flipside. The 49ers, two years removed from a Super Bowl appearance, has lost everyone. So many retirements, suspensions. I mean, it's no where near the same team as last year. I feel bad for their fans. I don't see them winning more than 7 games. Vikings 21, 49ers 13

Happy Week 1, this is the best time of the year!!!